"Please don't put my daddy in jail."
Winston Mullich
 "Jonny is no more guilty than I am."
O.J. Simson
 "Jonny is no more guilty than I am."
Phil Spector
 "Jonny is no more guilty than I am."
Charles Manson
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 If you've been unfortunate to have read Jonny's Prison Christmas, you know that a federal penitentiary is not a place that Jonny would survive in. Yet that's where he'll be if he loses the court case stemming from his recent indictment which charges him with harassment, public indecency, stalking, and numerous other criminal offenses. He's currently out on bail but the odds don't look good, and if he's convicted on all counts (which the public defender currently representing says is almost certain), he'll be locked away for life.
A world without Jonny. Is that a world you want to live in?
The only possibility of saving Jonny – our Jonny – is to put up an impossibly expensive legal defense that will pull together the lamest, most uneducated jury available and use legal doublespeak and snake oil charm to get them to believe that Jonny didn't do any of the things that he obviously did. Fortunately, we live in the United States of America where that kind of legal representation is available for the right price. Unfortunately, due to his philanthropic donations and various drug habits, Jonny doesn't possess the kind of cash it's going to require to enlist the legal "dream team" that's going to get him off.
For as little as $1,000 – the cost of a Jonny® gold-plated butt plug – you can prove your devotion to our hero by making a donation below. And the larger your donation, the more your love will be obvious. We're not making any promises, but we think that Jonny would be so moved by a check for a million bucks that he couldn't help himself but romantically crawl through the bedroom window of whoever wrote that check and make slow passionate love to them as only Jonny can.
Send your donation today.
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