The periodical recounts actual stories from my life, such as the maiden issue which describes the time I saved Mara Marini from a gorilla and she thanked me with sex. Future issues relate such Jonny anecdotes as the occasion I dubbed the singing of Jonny Award winner Jesse Merlin when his voice was deemed just not good enough, the time I saved Mara Marini from a herd of stampeding rhinos and she thanked me with sex, when Bro Joe came crawling to me on his hands and knees to tell me how inferior he is to me in every way, the time I saved Mara Marini from a gang of attacking ninjas and she thanked me with sex, how my nemesis Misty LaRue decided to take a vow of silence and swore never to utter another word, or the time I saved Mara Marini from an invasion of Nazi storm troopers and she thanked me with sex. All of these stories are told exactly as I remember them after a week of binge drinking and forgetting to take my medication.
Look for the premiere issue of True Tales of Jonny on your newsstands soon. In the mean time, don’t forget to buy your tickets to see me in Eclect-a-Fest. Especially Mara Marini. I expect that she’ll enjoy it so much that she’s going to thank me with sex.[click to continue…]