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Mary Tyler Moore
Mary Tyler Moore, who I confessed to a buddy of mine the other night was (how do I put this delicately?) the first celebrity who I had amorous thoughts about which I reacted to in a physical fashion. My pal immediately told me what a sick fuck I am for wacking off to the mental image of the chaste and pristine Mary Richards, but that's not the point. Ms.Tyler Moore started me down a wayward path of similar behavior towards the mental image of other celebrities, female classmates and, yes, even some of the people who are reading this post, that I have become the twisted pervert that I am. Maybe if I didn't have a fetish for chicks throwing their hat in the air, this never would have happened. I guess we'll never know.
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Misty LaRue who posted "The first cup of coffee in the AM is a beautiful thing! Never forget the simple pleasures in life...." just as I was running around like a crazy man to get ready for work and had decided that I was too goddamned busy to make an Enemies List today and no one cared anyway and the world was a horrible place. Then I read Misty's Disneyesque little gift of optimism and it forced me to reconsider my whole attitude about life. Listen, Ms. LaRue (if that is your name), my little engine runs on the fuel of pessimism and defeat, and when some happy little Pollyanna like you comes along and throws one of your upbeat little turds in my system, I don't know what to do with it and I shut down. So, in the future, if you don't have something combative or soul-crushing to say to me, please keep it to yourself.
Windows Vista, which crashed on me yet again just as I had saved the above listing on Facebook in Draft format. I used Windows XP for many years and never had a problem with it. Then I buy a new computer with Vista which not only doesn't support much of my old software, but it crashes more frequently than Penelope Pitstop. It's absolute crap, and I sincerely hope that Microsoft (who I have always been a loyal supporter of) pulls its head out of its corporate ass and does something about it.
This list, whose compliant little bitch I have turned into. I used to have a very happy life, rolling out of bed at 8:30 with a brain-shattering hangover to rush to work. Now, I get up at 6:00 with only one thought on my mind: who's going to go on the list today? And you people aren't helping, posting a record 50 posts yesterday (aided largely by an unusually large number of comments from my brother Joe), so I know that I'm being watched. I can't take the pressure, I tells you! No time for a fifth entry today